A Certain Annoying Couple
by Unkawaii
Summary: My first fanfiction (written to mess with a couple friends of mine). A foreign esper kid's tale of a boy and girl with an... Interesting relationship. Written in tandem with a friend's fanfiction, so some references may go over your head. OC characters included. Contains references to aforementioned friend's OCxMikoto. T for Language and Suggestive Content.
1. A Foreign Kid's Prologue and Disclaimer

A Certain Annoying Couple

Chapter One

The teacher barking his class-ending orders woke me up from my daydream. I groaned as I realized I missed the entire lesson. Ah well. What did I care? I usually pass any assignments whether I paid attention or not. As everyone packed up their items to head home, I heard an annoying screeching voice behind me.

"Rachel-kuuuuun~"

That's me. Zachary Rachel. That gaijin who should never have come anywhere near this country. Yet here I am. That unremarkable foreign kid who's younger than everyone else with that equally unremarkable esper ability. Just to be clear though, what I'm writing here, it's NOT about me in the least. I'm only writing this as a time killer. No, this story is about two people even weirder and definitely more remarkable than I am. But enough of that disclaimer.

I spun around to the source of the voice. That hair that desperately needed to be cut and that miniskirt I was more or less certain was NOT up to school uniform regulations… Yep. That was definitely her. That is, Sana-hime. The school princess. Basically, just about as popular as that Railgun girl who just enrolled. What was her name? Eh, whatever.

I replied with a generic snarky one-liner. She didn't seem to give a shit.

"Rachel-kun, have you seen Shinki around?" I rolled my eye. Hell, she didn't even add an honorific to his name. If she really liked him that much, she could just find him herself. So that's what I told her. She smiled and reminded me of the fact I was her butler and had to do it, or something else that was completely made up.

I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. See, Shinki is another 'friend' of mine. In addition to being the object of Sana-hime's affection, he's also the object of, well, let's just say he's like a magnet for every last thug and bully in town. He's also the resident bishie, but that's another story.

"Look, I haven't seen him all day. If you don't mind, I'd like to get back to my dorm room where maybe my brain cells just MIGHT recover from being within a close proximal radius of you."

"…Huh?"

"Close to you."

I guess this is relevant. I, a Level 0 Esper, have a highly advanced calculation ability. No AIM fields or whatever they call them, I just have the ability to calculate distances, speeds, trajectory, just from focusing on an object or person, either through sight or sound. Of course, just because I can't bend a spoon with my mind it's pretty much socially accepted I'm a failure. Feh. Once again I'm getting off topic.

"I'll call you if I find him." I grumbled, then backed off before she could get another word in. First corner I turn, and…

"Is it safe?"

I grumbled the response he wanted to hear and he pushed off the wall he was hiding behind. "Phew, thanks Rachel-san. If she found me I'd never hear the end of it." Against my better judgement, I asked. "End of what?" And so began Shinks' epic tale of love, bitter warfare, and a coffee stain or two. In fact, I was back at the door to my dorm room before the story even ended.

"Oh well would you look at that we're here. Well, as engaging as your story was, I need to be off now. It was nice seeing you again." I said with a hint of sarcasm. He didn't catch on. "Oh, okay, thanks! Bye now!" He ran off like he was in a hurry for something. Whenever he leaves his friends he seems to always run, like he's got somewhere important to go. I'd like to speculate whether he's going to ensure the NSWF files on his computer are safe or if he is waiting for a call regarding his waifu pillow. But that seems meaningless.

I unloaded the contents of my bag into my sofa, then took a casual glance around my dorm room. Damn. I think the last time this place was clean was when I transferred here. I groaned and took a glance at my phone.

ONE NEW MESSAGE

I sighed at the English text that was on its screen. It always felt good to read in my native language. I tapped the voicemail icon on its touch screen and pressed it to my ear.

"Hello Rachel-san. The order you requested has arrived. Please come pick it up. Thank you." Hell yes. I waited, what, two, three months for the book to release, not to mention the extra week or two it took to GET here? Finally. That's where most of my money goes anyways, ordering books from back home. Either from series I followed before I left, or really anything that catches my eye. I packed up nothing more than my wallet and checked the clock. I'd break curfew if I didn't book it now. Heh. Book it.

The sun was already setting as the city took on a reddish tinge. I walked through the doors of the bookstore. Took me all of thirty seconds to get my hand on the most coveted package, and make my way back out. I picked up a sound just out of where I could see. I rolled my eyes. There was a guy getting mugged about 42.3 yards from my position. It was human nature to try and help, but let's be logical. A Level 0 with little to no combat prowess aside from the knowledge of how to curl fingers into a fist and throw an arm forward, yeah, I have such a great chance of making it out with all my teeth.

I didn't walk another block until I heard a familiar sound. I groaned audibly. I could almost put this onto a schedule. I peered around the corner to confirm my suspicions. Of course. I was right. There before me were Sana-hime and Shinks cuddling and cooing to each other. Come on. They were fighting not yesterday afternoon.

The truth was that Sana and Shinki commonly got together and fought in an almost regular pattern. Constantly arguing, but I guess they've turned those arguments and assaults on each other into some sick twisted form of flirting. But above all…

These two are the most annoying couple I have ever encountered.


	2. Amateur Chocolatiers for Vomitines Day

Chapter Two

The whole class was fixated on them. Seriously. Every last person was constantly on about how those two are the cutest… Makes me fricking nauseous. But of course, that old day is rolling around. Maybe since it's a more western holiday, maybe not so many people know… I'm just deluding myself here.

"-an… Rachel-san? Are you awake?" I jolted back to reality. The professor glared at me.

"Yes." Was my only response.

"Very good then. Maybe if you have been paying so much attention in class, you could answer this question f-"

"Six."

"-or us… Eh? Tha-That's correct. Very good Rachel-san."

That last part had a little sharpness to it.

Oi… Um… Where was I? Oh yeah. Valen-fricking-tines day is coming around. Of course the shops are littered with merchandise, signs are all over the place. Japan's becoming a more westernized society I suppose. It's natural that Valentines would be a thing here. Despite how much I dislike it. And then there's Episode Two: White Day, to annoy me. At least back in 'Muricah we didn't have that crap.

Class ended. Sana was all over me in an instant.

"Rachel-kun, are you doing anything for Valentines?" Sana didn't beat around the bush.

"Screw off." Neither did I.

"Well, um, can you come to my place later?" She started twiddling her thumbs nervously. I got suspicious. But, I never seem to listen to my better judgement. So I did. After school let out for the day, Sana-hime and I walked to her place together. She kept silent all along the way, which was something she never did. I mean, if she wasn't babbling her head off, she was babbling some other limb or orifice off.

Eventually we made it to her place. Soon as I stepped through the front door, she pulled me into the kitchen.

"I don't know how to make chocolates!" She yelled in a full panic.

I was not surprised in the least. Okay actually I was a little bit, but at least those creepy suspicions of mine were gone.

So I, as a decent human being, started guiding her through the process. I did quite a bit of baking back home. Evidently it's like riding a bike. You just don't forget how to make delicious things. I kind of got lost in thought regarding those two while we were working.

Sana-hime herself? She's actually not bad a person. She's just really annoying a lot of the time. I also think she might be a bit of a pervert but I haven't had good enough a look at her computer to confirm that. She's actually pretty well respected as a Level 4 Esper. One has to admit the ability to raise or lower the sound levels of an area to deafening volume or dead silence is a pretty cool Esper ability.

Shinks is a Level 3. The guy's so shy he still hasn't told either of us what he can do. But according to his ranking he's got something kinda substantial up his sleeve nonetheless. Honestly though, Shinki is actually the quiet type. How someone loud and obnoxious like Sana-hime started liking him is beyond me. Opposites attract I gue-

I yelled in surprise.

"Sorry!"

The whole kitchen was covered in flour. Sana had a guilty look on her face. I couldn't help but stifle a small laugh. It's not like I'm completely devoid of positivity. I'd be annoyed if I had to clean this. But Sana-hime's rich and she's got staff and all…Which reminded me.

"Hey, actually, why are you doing this? If you really wanted to make chocolates for Shinks, couldn't you have just bought some or made your staff do it for you?" I inquired. It would have been much easier and less messy than our little project, certainly. Sana-hime blushed and mumbled, "Because I wanted something more special."

Was that our princess showing sincerity? I cracked a small smile. She's so sickeningly sweet regarding that guy.

"Yeesh, let's get this finished."

By the time we were done, it was nightfall. Way too late for me to get back on my own without any kind of curfew enforcement on my ass. Sana offered to have one of her chauffeurs drive me. I graciously accepted. I stopped in the doorway just before I took my leave.

"Hey princess. You know, that's actually pretty admirable of you."

I couldn't tell, but I was pretty sure Sana was smiling.

The chauffer let me out, and I scaled the multiple staircases back to my dorm room. I flopped down on my bed and gave those two a bit of thought. They really were a couple of friendly people. Maybe I could get along with them… Ah, who am I kidding. I'd probably go insane from being within proximity of those two. They don't need a tritagonist in their epic tale of love anyway.

I started drifting off to sleep, when suddenly something occurred to me. White Day was in March, Shinks is perpetually broke, and…

"Shit. He doesn't know how to cook either."


	3. A Useless Level 0 Servant For Hire

[Dedicated to God Bro's tsuntsun-ness]

[None of you will know what that means]

Chapter 3

I really didn't want to wake up that morning. Honest. I really didn't. I'd only end up embarrassing myself today. But naturally, there they both were. Good friends knocking on my door to wake me up, chanting things like "You'll be late!" and "You must not want to go up a level, huh?"

So there I climbed out of bed, got dressed, and readied myself to waste a whole day away.

Today was another Ability Testing day. Just grand. Of course due to my COMPLETE lack of "traditional" Esper abilities, I'm probably going to fail once again. The thought has occurred that my computational abilities could actually be used practically, but what the hell's the point? Not like I even want to deal with them.

Sana and Shinks were chatting away on the way to the school, almost oblivious of my presence. They were actually discussing the matter at hand, for once. I guess it is possible for them to do things beside flirt and argue. I tuned into their conversation.

Sana-hime chimed in, "I don't think I'll graduate to a Level 5 just yet. Think about it, the jump from a Level 4 to what are considered the highest tier of the elite is a pretty big one. Of course I'm clearly deserving." She said with a highly prideful tone. Shinki, despite obviously wanting to assure her otherwise (I could tell by his expression), was inclined to agree. "I'm not sure if there's much more you can do the way you are, unless you work really hard to gain new abilities." Sana gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure you'll shine though Shinkkun~" Such a sickeningly sweet nickname. "I think you're ready to become a Level 4. You've been a Level 3 long enough." I was sorry I did it immediately, but I had to interrupt.

"That's not how it works." I interjected. Sana frowned at me. "Then what about you? You think you are ready to become a Level 1? Maybe then you'd be less useless as a butler." I looked away, half in annoyance, half in embarrassment. "I'm not your damn servant." Sana smiled devilishly. "Then how about this? Either you become a Level 1 Esper today or you have to do whatever I want for a day?" It must have been the high. You know, how you lose all sense when you're mad, but I agreed.

We came up to the school. We divided into groups, organized by Level. Of course, the Level 0's were first. Shinks would be right up before Sana too. And then the real show began when the Level 5s show up. Of course that's less of a test, and more of a show off session. Isn't it impossible to achieve Level 6 anyways?

I half-heartedly listened to the administrator drone on. Not like I'd give any effort this time. Then again, I never gave any effort. Quizzes, essays, calculations, reports, all that stuff was easy. But when the time came to use my abilities practically, I always failed.

I joined with the other students, and psyched myself up. I was going to win this bet.

I stared at the big fat **0 **with a mix of disdain and an almost alarming lack of surprise. Son of a-. Well that was it. I'd have to avoid her. Change my name. Move out of the country. Grow a beard. Live in a cabi-

Ugh.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful.

I avoided the Level 3 and 4 testing areas for obvious reasons. (Rumors spread easily though. The princess didn't go up a level, and neither did her "undeserving" boyfriend.) I wasn't surprised by the results given the conversation earlier in the day. The Level 5 tests were approaching. I was, to be honest looking forward to them.

Mikoto Misaka, that was her name. That's right; she was attending this school now. She'd be testing along with the Level 5s in her own specified examination. This I had to see.

I followed the spectators, and emerged to see a large crowd. Damn, I expected a turnout but I wouldn't be able to get through there. Then I saw them. Two guys cutting their way through like they owned the place. I slipped in with them.

The examiners told the Railgun she was allowed a few practice shots. She stood in front of a large pool. On the opposite end sat the examiner's booth. I saw her ready a coin. They announced her previous record, sitting at 1,030 meters per second. What did they mean by tha-?

_BOOM_

_BOOM BOOM BOOM_

Shot after shot, water blasted into the air, then settled harmlessly back into the pool. My eyes were probably flying from place to place. I wasn't sure. The numbers bounced around in my head. As the demonstration continued, I felt myself becoming increasingly less impressed by Tokiwadai's Ace. I glanced at the crowd. Wait. That guy I was following. Don't I live next to him? What was his name? Kuro-something. Ryo. Yeah, let's stick with that. He seemed to be highly interested. I sighed.

"She's holding back." I directed towards him. He nodded towards me as if he was still too absorbed by the demonstration, then my statement clicked in his mind. He asked me what I meant. I obliged.

Every shot sent off about 160,000 gallons shooting into the sky. Average height was 240 meters. This equates to 950 meters per second. He stared at me dumbfounded for a minute, and then continued watching. It looked as if he was centered on a target. His friend said something to him; I didn't exactly care what, and then started dragging him off. I was curious, and followed.

So that's what he was looking at. Tokiwadai's Ace herself stared at Ryo almost contemptuously. Somehow though, she looked relaxed at the same time. Weird. Ryo started coaching her. Wait. Ryo knew Mikoto Misaka? Then my memory switched back a while ago. Hadn't he beaten her in some other exams too? I think I came in third or fourth around there too.

I'm getting off topic. I completely missed the coaching, but suddenly the Ace looked a little more confident. Whatever the guy said worked. She flipped the coin into the air.

_BOOM_

Holy.

Shit.

I mean just.

Whoa.

It takes a lot to get me dumbstruck like that but… I had no idea that she could. I uttered the calculations as if in a trance. 210,000 gallons at a height of 300 meters. 1,200 meters per second. I think that's a record breaker.

I heard Ryo say something to me, but my brain was somewhere else. I kind of had to stop being amazed because approaching at a speed of 5.7 KPH at a distance of a mere 32.7 meters, I saw an angry looking puff of pink hair and a short skirt and I had to escape fast. I bolted off in the opposite direction with Sana-hime on my tail. She caught up to me in seconds and yanked me by the collar.

"Hello, Level 0."

I was nauseous.

"Son of a… Fine. Screw it. Name your price." I gave up. There was no way I was going to get around this bet, was there?

Sana-hime smiled, and let me go. "Fortunately for you, I'm kind of busy with Shinkkun today, so you're free to go."

What? Like I would ask questions. I think she said something about it being a waste anyways since the day was nearly over in the first place but my mind was a little bit more centered on how absolutely terrified I was of what the next day would bring.


	4. A Useless Level 0 Maid's Job

Chapter 4

I couldn't damn listen to them anymore. This uniform was itchy, and I had a headache. And they wouldn't. Stop. Yelling!

I think I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start over from the beginning.

BVVT

That's my cell phone vibrating.

BVVT

Yep. It sure is.

BVVT

I guess I should answer it.

BVVT

PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP *boop*

I'll just read the voicemail later.

BVVT

They're calling back. I roll my eyes and pick up the cell phone from my nightstand. I flip open the cover and put it to my ear.

"Hello?" And then I regretted it, because a grating annoying singsong voiced murdered any last notions of getting five more minutes of sleep were dashed in an instant.

"Rachel-kuuuun~ We're outside your door waiting. It's time for the punishment game to begin!~" I growled into the microphone. "Isn't waking me up at six in the damn morning punishment enough?!" I bark back. I hear Shinks mumble to his girlfriend "But doesn't he wake up this early anyway on school days?" I bark back "Yes but that's not by choice!"

I slam my front door open, hastily dressed in street clothing. My glasses nearly fall off as I fling the door open to welcome in my… Ugh… Guests.

"I didn't know you wear glasses Rachel-kun!" Sana expressed in surprise. Shinki made note as well. "I don't think I've seen you wear them at all." I sigh and adjust them. "I usually wear contacts. But a certain princess tackling me to the ground made me lose one yesterday. I need to wait for a new prescription, thanks. So…" I lean back in my couch, trying to ignore the fact they were ogling the mess of a room I call home. "What's my 'punishment'?" I spit out those words.

Sana beamed right up! "Come, come!" She grabbed me by the arm, and dragged me out. I barely had time to close my door and lock it before she dragged me out to her car. Or limo. Or whatever the hell you wanna call it.

It was a full six minutes before we pulled up at the magnificent driveway to her magnificent home. During those six minutes I think we may have nearly caused the death of eight people. Pretty sure that Academy City needs a little bit more traffic regulation because had I pulled that bullcrap back home, the cops would've been tailing me from Massachusetts to Arkansas.

But those thoughts ceased the moment I laid eyes upon the utter BULLCRAP that lay out on Sana's bed before me.

"What. The. ****. Is. This." I get out through grinding teeth.

Before me was the most damn fluffy frilly maid costume you have NEVER seen. Complete with wig and a makeup set.

"This. Is your punishment."

That was officially the day I wished I still lived in 'Muricah where it was as easy to go to the store and buy a 9mm to kill the both of them.

Actually no, I would've saved the bullet for myself.

Actually, while they were dressing me I felt like it wouldn't be too bad if some of the puns penetrated my heart.

Or if I choked and died on the makeup they were applying to my face just then.

Or if the thought of how cute they said I looked were enough to make me die of embarrassment. OH WAIT A SECOND THERE.

"Either way, hate it or not, this is what the lovely lady thought up for you, Zachary-san." Shinki shrugged almost in sympathy. Nah, that was more like pity. Sana piped in. "Make sure you speak in a cute voice too, because you're my personal assistant for the day. You will be accompanying me and my future husband all day. I coughed and spluttered. "Wh-What?! You want me to follow you around ALL damn day wearing this?!" Sana-hime nodded. "If it helps, I can adjust the sound waves around you to fix up that disgusting boyish voice of yours. 3" That was less sickeningly sweet and more sadistically sweet. The kind of sadistically sweet voice that you want to jam a skewer through her throat. Kind of like I did.

So there we were in the middle of a cute little clothing store. I stood there holding two or three bags while Shinki leaned on the wall next to the changing closet where the Princess was trying on some new royal threads. The worst part? I nearly threw up twice from guys looking at me and blushing. I had to say, they did a pretty decent job. I was hardly recognizable. I looked like a cute shy glasses girl maid rather than the annoyed cynical teenage boy I am.

Then I realized I was thinking that and really, REALLY wanted that gun.

"Doooone!" Sana-hime emerged with a flourish from the dressing closet. Then submerged herself. Then emerged again wearing something different each time. At this point I was getting weighed down with what must have been thirty or forty pounds of baggage. Shinks helped out a bit, carrying a couple of the lighter things. Thanks my shota hero for being such a great help.

The day plodded onwards. The sun was finally setting and we were all beat. Sana insisted on one more shop. "Wait out here, Rachel-kun. I'll only be a minute."

Wait out here, she said.

I'll only be a minute, she said.

There's no way a bunch of thugs would try to pick you up to molest you only to find out you're some crossdressing perverted freak and beat you up, she said.

That said, I was waiting out by the door when suddenly a group of thugs (big surprise there) surrounded me. Naturally, as it was getting late, the streets were emptying out and nobody was there to help me out.

"Would 'ya take a look at this cutie here? What are you doing all by yourself? How about I help with those bags, onee-chan?" He said in a sickeningly sweet voice. Now that is the kind of sickening sweetness that makes you want to skewer… I think I made that joke already.

But what happened next was the weirdest part. The moment he reached out for me, the calculations suddenly started running and in the next instant, I had slapped his hand aside. What the hell was that? Did I just somehow react to the movements of his-

A slap connected with my face. I staggered back a few steps. "Ah, ah, don't touch onee-chan. You know that's not nice." He teased. I was still amazed though. I didn't think that my calculations could be used as tertiary reflexes.

The automatic doors opened behind me. Shinks and Sana walked out and dropped the bags that they were no doubt expecting to load on me. "Uh, Rachel-kun, who are your friends?" That jolted me back to reality. "Not exactly friends." Sana-hime jolted off to the side, behind one of the thugs. "Good enough for me." Then everything went totally silent. Really. Even the electrical buzzing that all the appliances usually gave off in the city was absent. The thugs looked as if they were screaming and panicking trying to communicate, but then, suddenly, one of them went down. But Sana was a distance away, so who-

Then I noticed Shinki was gone.

But then there he was over there, slamming one of Sana-hime's new shoes over the back of one of the thugs' heads.

Oh. Oooooh. So that's what he can do.

The combination of total silence and the teleporter's rapid movements meant both visual and aural cues as to the assailants' positions was impossible, and within a few fluid seconds of well-coordinated tactics, the group was down. I was utterly amazed. The sound flicked back on as we stepped over the unconscious bodies towards Sana's home.

"Shinki! You should have stayed with him otherwise this wouldn't have happened!"

I sat covering my ears as I sat on the chair waiting for them to take apart this damn dress. Really, it was itchy as HELL in this thing!

"B-But, I didn't… You wanted to ask me how you looked though!"

"Don't argue with me!"

I could tell the both of them were just incredibly horny at that moment. It made me gag to think it but it was obvious as day.

"Screw it. I'll go home like this." I said out loud. They both snapped out of their flirting and panicked and begged me not to go alone. I sighed in resignation. "Just drop me off at the dorms. I'll take care of this thing myself." I tugged at the collar of my dress.

I gave them a courteous wave as I walked down the walkway to my dorm building. As I turned the corner from the stairs and strolled down the hall to my room, I glanced to my right. Ryo's door was wide open. Two shocked (then amused) faces stared at me. I contemplated explaining myself, but I think my frustrated look of resolution told the whole story. I adjusted my glasses and unlocked the door to my room to go vomit and tear this hell costume to shreds.


	5. The White Day Gift Strategy

Thanks for the review Hi-ra-ri013! You don't see much romance between the aforementioned OC and Mikoto because that's all in my buddy's "shamefic", as he calls it. Which, as well-written as it is, will never see publication on . Also, and I could've been a bit more clear, but the "Kuro-something" referred to Ryo's last name. Sorry for the late response.

Chapter 5

I seriously felt like I had a hangover. I couldn't, for the life of me, pick myself up. Then I suddenly remembered what day it is. The day I had to help Shinki with his White Day gifts for Sana.

I rolled out of my covers and onto the cold ground. Feeling around for my glasses and phone, I found one of them stuffed under my futon and another scattered across the room and missing a lens. What a day this was gonna be.

School pretty much came and went. Nothing particularly notable happened. Shinks decided to bug me after school. I couldn't complain. I verbally agreed to help him.

"You ready Rachel-san? I want to get her something really nice." I was immediately annoyed. "You mean make her, right?" Shinki seemed confused. "What do you mean? Usually White Day gifts can be bought just like Valentines." No. No no no no no. That girl slaved for hours over a stove and dammit Shinki's return was going to be from the heart, not from the wallet!

"We're going to your place."

Surprisingly, Shinki wasn't as much of a hassle as Sana was. This probably could've been attributed to the fact he actually listened to what I had to say. Come to think of it, what with all my annoyance centered on the girl, I never paid much attention to the boy.

Shinki was a diligent worker, a fast learner, and a kind person. That much was certain. What I couldn't pin down was the mentality. The dynamic between those two, how those two can find so many flaws in one another than be attracted by them. I'm referring to the argumentative flirting they're ever so fond of.

"Rachel-kun? You there?"

"Ah. Right. Sorry. Mix this in next."

I need to stop zoning out while pouring ingredients. Well, the Japanese have a policy of White Day gifts being triple in value. We happen to have triple the mix thanks to me.

We were finished up rather fast. Shinki had them wrapped up rather nicely and cleanly for his girl. I was almost impressed at the quality of the wra- Never mind, that's really not important.

"Um, Rachel-kun, can we stop by for one more thing?"

"Eh?"

I found myself fogging up the glass cases in a jewelry store. Apparently he was looking for something to amend the argument they had after I was nearly moles- On second thought I'd rather not bring up that memory.

He certainly was taking his time though. I looked up and he was staring confusedly at the glass doors of the store. I waved a hand in front of him, snapping the boy back to our reality. "Huh? Wha? Oh, sorry. I could've sworn I saw her passing. She looked busy." "That's not important." I responded, jerking my thumb towards the glass cases. "Oh… Right."

It was a cute piece. Silver necklace, sapphire gemstone. Standard fare when you want a girl to spread her legs for you again.

"Rachel-kun, let's head this way." Ah yes. The famous Academy City back alleys. Taking the right ones can get you anywhere in any time frame.

But unfortunately that wasn't Shinki's intention to get us where I thought we needed to be.

I'm not being clear here. We were needed.

But not exactly where I wanted to be needed.

Remember when Shinki mentioned Sana-hime looked busy.

She was being chased by a whole brigade of Skill-Out.

Shinki kept us well hidden, as we watched the events unfold. I honestly don't want to recount exactly what the leader said (mostly because I don't think I can put into written word what that guy said in a coherent fashion), but the gist of it was that Sana-hime ticked off his girl and that they were gonna beat the cute out of her.

Not gonna lie I would've stayed for the show. But then Shinki said we had to do something. Honestly I couldn't deny a likable guy like that. Before I could formulate a suicide mission though, Shinki had a coherent plan. He flipped open his cell and called mine. I answered it, absentmindedly, forgetting he was right next to me.

"Keep it on and head for the nearest rooftops where you can see the group from above. I know exactly what we're going to do."

Horribly short and choppy sad excuse for a chapter today. It'll get better in the next, I promise. I need to work on transitional chapters and fillers…


	6. The Sana Rescue Strategy

Chapter 6

I stared at Shinks in astonishment. I literally thought he was an idiot but I honestly couldn't argue. As I mulled over his proposal, the seconds digit of the call time ticked on. Staring at my phone, I closed it, hanging up the short-distance communication. I looked at the boy with a resigned expression. "No way we're doing this."

Shinki was utterly horrified. His face almost made me want to laugh. "B-But why!? Sana needs our help!" I held up a hand. "Let me finish." I stuck it in my pocket and looked up at the skyscraper towering over me. "Not from your angle. It won't work. I need height rather than just being able to see where they are. I need to be able to see each individual one."

Shinki's face was priceless. I chuckled. He frowned. "Don't scare me like that!" He almost screamed at me. Would've been a bummer if he had gone full volume with that. We would've been beaten to a pulp. I spun towards the street. "I'm gonna head inside and take the elevator to the top. I'll call you when I'm done. You get ready."

The plan was to signal Sana from afar. Shinks would get up to a point where she could see him and motion for her to turn off the sound in the area. Of course, under normal circumstances that'd be enough, but surrounded by Skill-Out with all eyes locked on her, they didn't need hearing to tear her to shreds. From there, I'd watch from above and handle the calculations for Shinks' movement through the crowd, so that he won't be spotted while teleporting. From there, when he can get a good angle, he'll grab hold of her and teleport to safety.

The plan ran back through my head as the elevator opened. The sunlight blared into my eyes, and I shielded them as I walked to the edge. Kneeling down over it, I could clearly see the courtyard and every individual Skill-Out member. I flicked open my phone and dialed Shinki's number.

"Hello?"

"Let's go."

My eyes scanned the crowd. I spotted a gap just between two members. "In front of the second window of the leftmost building." I saw Shinki pop in between them. "There's one coming your way, he's six seconds off. In two seconds flat teleport to that balcony." Just as I asked, he was there.

Shinki was different from most Espers who teleport. He needs a straight shot and a short range to make it. No obstructions, no long distances. Only reason he's a Level 3 is how smart he is about it. Even some Espers specialized in working with teleporting ones can't lay a hand on him. That showed with his plan.

Ah. There was the signal. I thought I saw Sana nod, but I couldn't be sure. I spoke into the phone mic.

"Shinks, can you hear me?"

"I'm just out of her radius. If I get any closer though you won't be able to help me."

"You need a straight shot, right? What's your distance?"

"Can't say for sure. My max distance is just about from here to that lamppost over there."

"Fifteen meters. No sweat. What's your time between?"

"Between teleports? Almost instantaneous."

"So I'll give about a fifty millisecond leeway. Would you say that's right?"

"Sure, whatever you say."

"Perfect. Lamppost fifteen meters. Go for it." Shinks flashed over to the top of it, balancing, albeit wobbly, on it's top. "Good. Stay on there just for a sec. You have a straight shot of about 32 meters between you and the escape route. You can't make it with just teleporting. You'll have to push through a couple of 'em to make the distance." Shinks looked up aimlessly at the sky, searching for me. "Are you sure? There's no way I could take even one of them on!" I stared back down at him.

"You love her, right?"

Shinki flashed suddenly out of sight. The phone static vanished. He was within Sana's range. That meant… I redirected my vision to the center of the courtyard where I saw Shinki, holding onto Sanagami's wrist for dear life, pushing through the horde. Then, he disappeared under him.

Two minutes passed in silence.

The elevator opened behind me. Out stepped a group of three or so. They didn't look happy. And they had hard objects in their hands. The foremost one held up a phone. "Found this on the ground." He dropped it to the ground and stepped on it. I looked at mine and the signal suddenly cut off. I was mortified. No clue of either of those two were alive and yet here I was up against three guys who wanted to throw me off this roof and I had zero to no fighting experience.

At least that's what I thought when I slapped the fist away and slammed my fist into his head.

Wait.

Slammed. My fist. Into his head.

I punched a guy.

And didn't get punched.

I really didn't have time to stare at my hand in astonishment because the other two were coming right at me. The first, 1.2 seconds reaction time. Wave arm at 45 degree arc and lock. Deliver punch to chest at approximately 18KPH. Down. Sixteen degrees to the left, shift right 0.6 meters, swing leg around to back and sweep at 22KPH. I took a few steps back. Three men lay on the ground before me groaning in pain.

What the f- Shinks!

I quickly apologized and sprinted to the elevator. Slipping in, I paced impatiently during the slow descent. I don't think I've run that fast before when I turned the corner. Did I actually consider those two friends? Maybe. I smiled when I saw at least half of the Skill-Out members running for their lives while a battered Shinki sat slumped against a wall next to Sana. The girl smiled knowingly at him. "You two are idiots, you know that?"

Shinki just smiled. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small jewelry box.


	7. Girl-On-Girl and A Killer Moustache

Chapter 7

"No, no man, I get it."

"It's just that you seem so astonished."

"I mean seriously Shinks, you couldn't have started me off with something with a little less… Shock value?"

"Look, if you want to fit in with Japanese society, you gotta learn to be more comfortable with sex."

"Is this true or are you screwing with my head?"

"No Zachary. Turn your head to the monitor. The monitor will teach you everything you need to know about how to live."

"A visual novel about lesbians will teach me how to… Huh?"

Shinks groaned as if he were trying to explain this to a tree stump. I just thought he was screwing with my mind. As if a visual novel or dating sim or whatever the hell that thing in front of me was would teach me how to live in Japan better.

"Alright Zach, look, turn off the computer and we can get to the real lesson." Shinks said with an irritated voice, rolling his eyes.

"I don't recall hiring you as my tutor. In fact I hadn't invited you over either. I opened the door, you were screaming about this new VN that came out and how you needed to borrow my PC, and then sat me in front of it so you could tell me what buttons to press. Why do you use these things anyways? You have a girlfriend."

"Yes, but she is not a maiden engaging in intercourse with another maiden."

He raised a good point there. Even so, I stood up and waved my arms in resignation. "Well, while we have nothing to do, what do you want to do today?" I don't think he heard me. He took over before I even got the first word out. I waved an arm in front of him. No response. Wordlessly, I grabbed a couple sodas, some chips, dropped them on the desk besides him, pointed out the bathroom, and left him alone to his own devices.

With my room (and laptop) overtaken by Shinks and his… Shinking… I needed something to do to kill time. I could head over to Sana's place to… Actually no, she asked for the dress back. I probably want to keep a distance from that. I stared at my neighbor's door. Ryo probably wasn't doing anything. I didn't know him well but he didn't seem to bad. He was polite, if nothing else… Actually the only reason I helped him was because he and his roommate saw me in… I knocked on the door. It would be a good idea to get to know him better. Stay on his good side.

The door swung open and a bored looking Kurokawa Ryo stared down at me.

Down.

My eye twitched. It's not my fault I'm barely as tall as girls two or three years younger than me, is it? It's just genetics, right? It's not that my entire diet consists of soda, junk food, the odd fast food joint salad, and the fact I don't drink enough milk, right, RIGHT?

"Can I help you?"

Ryo's voice snapped me back to reality.

"Uh, hi. So, uh, I was wondering if you're free today."

"Look man, I understand the dress and all but I'm not going to-"

"NO WAIT NO Th-That was just a bet and damned if I let that girl put me in that thing again."

Ryo gave a questioning look. "You sure about that, man?"

"I'm avoiding asking her to hang out first for a very good reason."

"Good enough for me."

A voice called from my doorway. "ZACH GET BACK HERE THERE'S ANOTHER SCENE COMING UP!"

"We should leave."

"What's he talking about?"

"Some visual novel."

"Mind if I…?"

I groaned. Well, ruling out Ryo, I found myself on the way to Sana-hime's home. Bracing myself, I knocked on her door. I was met by one of her maids. In a catgirl outfit.

"It's a long story." She said, a pleading "HELP ME" look in her eye.

"It's okay, I feel your pain."

Sana's tackle was as painful as ever. I think my glasses nearly cracked. "Heeeeey Zakkun!"

"New nickname."

"It's so kawaii!~"

Swallow the vomit Rachel. Just swallow it.

"Y-Yeeaaaah. So… I've got nothing going on today. Want to go and…"

She suddenly held up two dresses. "Which would you prefer?"

I'm pretty sure if I murdered the president I wouldn't have bolted as fast as I did just then.

So there I walked the streets of Academy City, bored and alone. One of my friends was hogging my room where I would rather be sleeping right now, one of them was a maniac, and my neighbor was with my other friend. Wonderful.

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket about an hour after my, ahem, tactical retreat. I stared at the text on the screen.

MEET US IN FRONT OF THE STORE. I MEAN THAT LAST ONE ON PUNISHMENT DAY.

I stared at the screen with disdain. Would they ever let me live that down? I groaned and re-locked the screen, dropping the phone into my pocket. I set off.

It was only a fifteen minute trip. Standing in front of the store doors, lo and behold… I guess I could actually consider myself happy to see them. Shinks and Sana were waiting for me. They waved. I think I ran. Was I really that bored?

"Zach, jeez, you could've just waited for me to finish the game." Shinks was leaning on the wall pretending to look cool.

"I wanted you to pick out which one I should wear for my Shinksypoo!" She looked genuinely offended.

"I'm… Not even going to react to that last thing." I made an ass of myself.

I honestly could say, by that point, that I considered them friends.

Day wasn't out yet though. What with Sana dragging us around town and emptying out both of our wallets, all the while Shinks droned on about the visual novel that he was EVER so engaged in, it was entertaining, I guess. What really surprised me is that Sana was interested by every detail. EVERY detail. Which seemed to come as a surprise to her boyfriend too. At what point should these things stop phasing you again?

"You guys can't borrow my laptop." I let them know.

"S'okay. I can buy my Shinksypoo a better one."

That last sentence barely registered in my head. Shinks obviously noticed it too. His mouth was as widely agape as mine. The both of us, in unison, pointed up to the sky.

Loudly landing in the middle of the intersection, was a helicopter. Not seconds later, the same intersection was blocked by police.

Our jaws dropped even further when a man, moustache extending precisely 3.7cm away from the edges of his face on either side, muscular body barely large enough not to tear his tuxedo into shreds, approached Sana, hugged her, and called her _daughter_.

"It's been so long, daddy! How was your tournament?"

I mean I knew I was short, but this guy was a monster. And that only reminded me that I was still short.

"Zach, what… What is that thing?" Shinks asked me, his voice sounding of both fear and astonishment.

"It looks to be a human. I think it is at least. Looks to be about 3.587 meters tall and weigh about 145.34 kilos." I replied. "At least it SHOULD be a human."

The creature turned around and grabbed hold of Shinki's hand. He froze. I could almost see the nervous system sparking straight up his spine.

"And you must be the boy that is going out with my little girl!" He said excitedly. "Nice to meet you!" He exclaimed while shaking the boy's hand. Fairly certain I heard a crack.

The nightmare over for him, Shinks' face was frozen in fear. He mumbled. "It looks to be a human, he says." I shot him a glare. I wasn't even su-

"And you're the boy who helps her with math, right?"

Fairly certain that if I was threatened with dresses by Sana, I wouldn't have bolted as fast as I wanted to just then.

He shook my hand. Fairly certain I heard a crack.


End file.
